The World Will Wipe It's Arse With You
I was messing around with a new blog. I was fussing with colours and layout, absorbed and excited by the newness. I was going to call it Move 1 Player and to write there about all the solo boardgames I’m playing and the ones I intend to play. The Crooked Crow had been pushed off into a corner of my mind; abandoned, vaguely embarrassing, like a pile of dirty laundry shoved with a toe under the couch. I didn’t want to look too closely at why I stopped maintaining it. 18 months ago I’d made a post about our move to NB, and the effect of that on my psyche, and that felt like a raw wound. I regretted putting those thoughts down so publicly. (No need to spin the scroll wheel looking for it, it’s gone. Evaporated. De-listed. Erased.) I sometimes feel that my need to share is a positive urge and that some good, some cathartic good, comes from it. That by sharing I somehow expel all that negative energy. Often though, I look back and feel like I’ve made myself look foolish. (Fuck! Here I am doing it again.) So, I didn’t want to come here and look at the wreckage of The Crooked Crow, a blog I started in 2010, and like so many creative projects, launched with the aim of reaching out and of nourishing myself, of healing myself.
And here I was preparing to do it again.
Why should I start over? I already have this space carved out, I may as well just move back in. I’m reading less, but I’m playing table top games more. Maybe the move here has made me crave social interaction? Maybe quitting editing has left my brain with less to do and it’s demanding to be challenged in a different way? Maybe I’m just in a phase where I want to push cardboard chits around? Whatever it is, table top games are where I’m putting my energy these days. I’ve read one book in the past 18 months. And that was a re-read. No, I’m wrong. I re-read Microserfs, to make myself feel better, and I read Altered Carbon because I’d heard about the Netflix adaptation and I wanted to be ready. Otherwise, I’m still worshipping at the PS4 and I’m playing table top games. So I thought I’d start to write about them. Just because I have a powerful need to make stuff, and because I think it’s a healthy thing to do.
I love Twitter. I estimate I get 4-5 laugh-out-loud moments from Twitter every day. But that service is changing. The admins of Twitter are making some really short-sighted choices with features and, in my opinion, they’re mis-applying their TOS. The recently banned David Simon, but not the guy who threatened to rape someone. I’m starting to see my time on Twitter coming to an end. I strongly dislike BookFace. The only reason I have an account is we left Ontario and I wanted to feel connected to the people I love. But that space is starting to have a deleterious effect on me. Some of my BookFace friends like to argue about politics and that stuff gets pushed into my feed. Some of my BookFace friends enjoy memes and that stuff gets pushed into my feed. I go to BookFace to talk about movies and games and watch videos of cats doing stupid shit. I don’t need or want to be reminded that, if you’re at all a sensitive person, the world will wipe its arse with you. Maybe I need to make and control my own space, filling it only with the things which bring me joy.
So, I found the keys to this blog and have started it up again and am driving it around the block. I don’t know how long I’ll keep at it. I’m not going to make any promises. I’m just going to see what happens.